heyya!!!

happy neu year ya all!!

hari ni  bangun lambat. heh. heh. smlm habiskan 1stgah novel.

n pagi tadi, bangun2 trus habiskan novel ke-2.

haha. gila pathetic aku punya tahun baru.

rumet 2 org g balik rumah, n aku?

xkan nk lik mlake lak kan?

baru je seari balik doh!

sorang lagi kulau ngan clan clas.

keseorangan!!!!

nyampah lee~

smlm pinjam 5 novel, 

library la, mane lagi kan?

3 english n 2 malay.

hari ni masih blum sarapan lagi.

rasa malas berkoyan2 dlm diri.

pinjam laptop mama, bukak facebook.

tgk papadom, tgk avatar, sgala2.

ahh!! heaven gila.

cam kat rumah aje rasa.

da asar, mahu mandi, solat juga.

lapar. lapar. lapar.

seperti kiranya mahu jadi kucing la.

ada tuan mahu suap makanan,

 lapar.lapar.lapar.

eh, lupe.aku bkn lagi d melaka.

n lagi, laptop juga x bawak bersama.

dia xsihat, trpakse format semula.

Sambal ikan bilis tastes better when it's left over

sambal ikan bilis
i dunno. it just did. haha.

cats doing yoga. ugh! gorgeous gile!!

ever heard of yoga?

always we see ppl doing it kan?

how if kucing?

hahaha....comel bukan?

its time for reminiscing...heh.heh.

hari selasa tu, kmilah, kak ina,(wif her sons) n i went to see mak acau(my mkcik) di hospital. she collapsed at her kitchen, n was brought to hospital due to insufficient of glucose. bila kami dtg, mak cau nangis. katenya nasib baek ada yg ingat. bila nk pulang, kak milah hulur duit, pon dia nangis. aku jadi terpikirkan arwah mak.

tahu, saling x tumpah perangai dan kerenah sprt arwah mak. bkn sumtg yg buruk, bukan itu mksud aku. mrk kan adk beradik, akn adela bhgian prgai seakan same, ea x? mak cau was talking bout anknya yg bawak kain basahan (kain batik) yg x cantik, menurut mata tuanya. aku tgk ok aje. hahaha. its reminiscing me of my late mom, sbb dolu, die pon bising2, nape bwak kain batik warna malap, nape bwk kain lame2, nape xpilih ctk2. hahaha. sweet gile bile kenangkan. siyes.

hari ni aku asyik text dgn fren2 lame mgss kat FB aje.

bahgia doh! lame gila aku xjumpe mrk

alhamdulillah....tergerak hati aku nk crik nad kadir dlm fb,

n so, browsing thru all my other frens.

semua dah ade haluan n jalan masing2

alhamdulillah...segalanya dah DIA tentukan, 

bile aku pndang belakang, n tgk apa yg dah aku tinggalkan, aku tahu aku dah banyak berubah. matang, itu aku x pasti. namun, bersyukur, aku pasti.mgkin aku x la menunjukkn kesyukuran aku tu dgn betul, or 2 be more precise, dgn constant, tetapi, aku tetap sering ingatkan diri supaya sntisa berpijak pd bumi,supaya sntiasa fahami situasi. alhamdulillah... aku masih berdiri sdr, walau selalu aku jatuh menyembah bumi, aku masih ada dahan yg tarik aku, bantu aku berdiri kembali.

dlm hidup ni, telah aku fahami on d fact dat bukan semua akan dpat apa yg mrk mahu. but hey, aku rasa bersyukur amat, aku dpat segala yg aku perlu.hampir segala yg aku mahu. memang bukan semua, tapi ah~ sebagai manusia, akan adakah titik henti atas segala kemahuan? bagiku tiada. lalu untuk itu aku ucapkan syukur kerna beri segala perlunya aku, kerna sediakan semua cukupnya aku. Terima kasih Tuhan, syukur padaMU..

Laura Marling- My Manic n I

He wants to die in a lake in Geneva, the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.

He wants to die where nobody can see him but the beauty of his death

will carry on so I dont believe him.

He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him and sometimes with scorn and sometimes I believe him.

And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy, get scared and call him but he's usually hazy.

By one in the morning day is not ended, by two he is scared and sleep is no friend, and by four he will drink but cannot feel it, sleep will not come because sleep does not will it and I dont believe him.

Morning is mocking me.

I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats until the ring on my finger slips to the ground.

A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city the veins of which have broken me down.

And I dont believe him, morning is mocking me.

Oh the gods that he believes never fail to amaze me.

He believes in the love of his god of all things, but I find him wrapped up in all manner of sins.

The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him.

I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.

I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.

And since *last that I saw him last that we parted* down by a river silent and hardened, morning was mocking us. Blood hit the sky.

I was just happy, my manic and I

He couldn't see me the sun was in his eyes and birds were singing to calm us down. And birds were singing to calm us down.

And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend. I don't believe in a fairytale end. I dont keep my head up all of the time.

I find it dull when my heart meets my mind

*Though* I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that we're ill.

*I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that I'm ill.

And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.

And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.

My happy man my manic and I have no plans to move on.

The birds are singing to calm us down

And birds are singing to calm us down.

betapa payahnya mahu jadi manusia yg ikhlas dalam konteks sebenarnya.

more n more aku dalam keadaan ini, aku sedar betapa payahnya seorang manusia mahu ikhlas dalam setiap sesuatu. aku lelah mungkin. aku redha, walau nyata aku tak sanggup mahu pikir apa2 lagi. aku kecewa, bilamana nyatanya otak aku hanya bisa cerna yang entah apa2. aku sedih amat bila neuron dalam kepala hanya baca ayat2 kurang ikhlas sang abang tika dia hulur duitnya, mungkin.mungkin juga aku mngarut. ahh, nadia, kau itu banyak juga salahnya! kau fikir layak kau untuk salahi manusia laen, atas nama saudara aja mungkin? tidak, aku x layak. namun aku juga manusia biasa, bukan? apa akan kau fikir, bila kau dapat tahu, duit yg kau dapat itu, yang kau beli brg keperluan kau itu, yg kau rasa bersyukur amat pd Tuhan kerna adanya, bisa kau beli buku, bisa bikin kau satu kitab baru,diberi dengan muka yang celaka? ya Tuhan...mungkin semua juga salah aku. mungkin juga benar kata sang kakak, jgn telalu diharap bantuan dia, nanti kecewa. jangan dipinta kasihan dia, kau akan luka. aku masih bisa, beri kau duit, utk kau belanja. ada, ada. tiada, maka tiada. bersyukurlah....
astaghfirullah...nadia, jgn diikut rasa hati. mati. Tuhan itu ada. percayalah.

ya, Tuhan sentiasa ada utkku.
sentiasa bantu aku.
sentiasa dengar aku.
sentiasa faham lirih hati aku.
aku pasti.  

Tuhan...ikhlaskan aku terima keadaan ini. Ya Tuhan...ikhlaskan aku lalui semua ini. Ya Tuhan..ikhlaskan aku utk setiap segala.

love is very subjective, yes i noe,tho...

saya ada seorang rakan yang asyik panggil saya sayang

aish~

kenapa lelaki mudah amat ucapkan sayang, ea?

atas nama sayang, atau apa?

tujuannya apa?

keliru, mungkin.

kerna asyik diulit ayat2 manis,

seriau tahu!

apa kau fikir saya ini siapa, lelaki?

eh! eh! saya xtahu mahu henti pelakuan dia bagaimana

mahu suruh dia stop dengan apa

mahu dia behave guna bahasa apa.

sengal sungguh lelaki itu

ah!!!!!!! pening kepala saya lah!!!

(rasa mcm hati mahu hujan. Tuhan...)

My new career:

clothes designer, hurm, guess so

sajak chenta tak terurus

kalau kau lihat awan
jauh
itu sepiku.

kalau kau dengar sayu
hujan
itu nyanyiku.

malam yang ketar
angin yang debar
di antaranya aku simpan
cinta.

jam yang retak
cengkerik yang rancak
di antaranya aku simpam
rindu.

aku mahu hela
nafasmu jadi dangdut

jantungku 

 

indah bukan?

mendalam amat.

aku dapat dari sini

i live my love to be the shadows of ur heart.

because maybe,

maybe ure who gonna saves me.

i see trees of green,

red rosses too.

i see them bloom,

for me and u.

deviate from me no more,

as u are the place im heading to.